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Disagree Without Drawing Blood

Author Catherine Johnson wrote a book entitled Lucky In Love. She interviewed a large number of happily married couples who were obnoxiously happy in the married life. She learned in these interviews that at some point these couples agreed together they would have spirited disagreements but refused to destroy each other in the process. They absolutely refused to destroy the relationship long-term. The author wrote of these couples, “When we disagree, we will not draw blood.”

Leaders do not fear passion. They welcome it. But there are times when passionate discussions digress into personal attacks and people get hurt. The Ephesians 4 “truth in love” passage starts of with Paul telling Christ-followers to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. He discusses gentleness, humility, patience, and peace. Insist on leading in a manner that contributes to unity, even in the heat of disagreement.

Help Me Understand

There is a huge temptation for leaders, when subordinates make mistakes is to launch into a “what were you thinking” type of lecture. May I suggest that approach is degrading and potentially dishonoring to God.

When tempted to launch into a mean-spirited lecture, pause for a few minutes and then ask “Help Me Understand?” This little devise will help you from slipping into an accusatory role or even worse, polarizing the conversation before you actually understand what happened. You may still end up where you would have otherwise. The key difference is that the conversation sounds different and is more accepting.

Real-Time Coaching

If you know anything about coaching a sports team, you know there are a number of coaches that work on different areas of teamsmanship – offense versus defense. Also will notice that coaches coach in real-time, they do not wait until after the practice.

Leadership requires that we coach in real time. Year-end evaluations serve no purpose to something that you could have addresses earlier in the year. Learn the art of coming along the side of those you desire to influence and coach them in the moment. Jesus was the great example of taking his team and putting them into difficult situations. He would observe and then coach them on what they were doing correct and then help them to improve.

Purpose to be a leader that helps others in real time so they can succeed at a higher level. Compliment their success and coach their mistakes.

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Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!

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