Category Archives: Coaching

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Becoming an Emotionally Healthy Leader – 4 Tips

Statistics on Pastors’ Emotional Health, Family, and Morality stress1
It’s particularly disturbing to see how much pastors are struggling with emotional pain, family problems, loving well, and moral failures:

70% say they have a lower self-esteem now than when they entered ministry
70% constantly fight depression
50% feel so discouraged that they would leave their ministry if they could, but can’t find another job
80% believe their pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families and 33% said it was an outright hazard
80% of ministry spouses feel left out and unappreciated in their church
77% feel they do not have a good marriage
41% display anger problems in marriage (reported by the spouse)
38% are divorced or divorcing
50% admit to using pornography and 37% report inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church

Statistics on Pastors’ Lack of Soul Care and Training
But ministry stress alone does not explain why pastors burnout emotionally or blow out morally. Other statistics suggest that many pastors struggle with “professionalizing” their spiritual lives and failing to care for their own souls under God:

70% do not have someone they consider a close friend
50% do not meet regularly with an accountability person or group
72% only study the Bible when preparing for sermons or lessons
21% spend less than 15 minutes a day in prayer — the average is 39 minutes per day
16% are “very satisfied” with their prayer life, 47% are “somewhat satisfied”, and 37% are either “somewhat dissatisfied” or “very dissatisfied” (spending more time in quiet prayer or listening to God versus making requests was correlated with higher satisfaction)
44% of pastors do not take a regular day off
31% do not exercise at all, while 37% exercise at least three or four days a week as recommended
90% say they have not received adequate training to meet the demands of ministry
85% have never taken a Sabbatical

The stats speak for themselves. We can either embrace the reality in our own life or curse the reality. Here are 4 tips to emotional health for Spiritual Leaders.

  1. SLOW DOWN for SABBATH – The core issue is not whether you are working 60-70 hours/week. The issue is the Sabbath is being broken and disrespected. Sabbath keeping is not working around the home as opposed to working at church. Sabbath means stopping to rest! It is also a time to contemplate God’s leading and working in you and through you.
  2. PAY ATTENTION to YOUR TRIGGERS – Robert Hogan, Industrial Psychologist states that two-thirds of leaders will be fired, demoted, or generally fail. The reason is that they are not paying attention to the hidden triggers that lay outside of their awareness. There are certain dysfunctional tendencies that manifest themselves when stress builds in our life. Healthy leaders are aware of their short-coming and know how to manage them when they start to surface. Manage them well, everyone around you will be glad that you did!
  3. Happy couple embracing and laughing on the beachLEAD OUT of YOUR MARRIAGE – Contemporary expectations for marriage of Christian leaders go something like this: “Be sure your marriage and family are strong/stable/solid so that you can build your church.” This is different from leading out of the fullness of life and joy in your marriage that it spills over over into other people’s lives as well. Lead from the context of your marriage vows meaning; if you are married you cannot lead like you are single! The health of your church is related to the health of your marriage!
  4. EMBRACE LIMITS – God does not give you the talents of leaders you may admire. So don’t act like you do – be original and true to yourself just the way God made you! Be honest with your inner-self. Be careful for the hidden roots of shame and failure because you are not like others or are performing according to others expectations.

Leave a comment. What would you add to this list?

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Do Not Follow Your Heart

“FOLLOW YOUR HEART” is a pop culture creed that billions of people are following today. This 47is one of the greatest myths ever that is being perpetuated. Basically, it is a belief that your heart is a compass inside of you and it will direct you to your own “True North” if you just have the courage to follow it. This creed is far to simple and yet it tracts people often as a gospel they can embrace.

Have you ever paused for just a minute and considered that your heart has sociopathic tendencies? What is it that your heart is telling you this moment? DO NOT ANSWER THIS. Has your heart told you things that you would not dare to repeat? My heart usually thinks the best of me and worst of others. If my heart is constantly espousing my virtues and other’s errors, then it is not a leap for my heart to embrace some immoral or angry thought as being attractive.

The “follow your heart” creed is not founded in faith convictions. Jeremiah stated (17:9) that “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jesus Christ would  comment and say “Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander (Matthew 15:19). Is this how we establish leadership examples?

Our hearts were never designed to be followed. They were designed to be led! Our hearts were never designed to be gods in whom we believe, but rather our hearts were designed to believe in God! Christ is the truth, the way, the life (John 14:6).

Leave a comment below I will do my best to respond to your thoughts. What is your belief on the “Follow your heart” creed? Let’s talk!

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5 Mistakes in Goal Setting in 2015

A goal without a plan is just a wish! Have you heard this quote before? At this time of the year while we are in a full court press toward Christmas Day, many are thinking about what have they accomplished in 2014.164185866-300x300

Consider the following:

  • 95% of people who set weight loss goals will regain that weight
  • 1 out of 7 change their lifestyle habits after a heart attack
  • 25% of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned after 1 week
  • 60% of New Year’s resolutions fail after 6 months
  • People will make the same New Year’s resolution 10 times without success

I would suggest that traditional methods of goal setting is not working and lands in failure most of the time. So don’t feel bad because your goal setting effort is not working – you are using a method that is out-dated and broken.

I want to impress upon you first of all to consider the following 5 mistakes in setting goals. This will give clarity why some goals are destined to fail before you start. Simply stated our goal setting is based upon faulty premises and not solid thinking. Here are the 5 mistakes that you can make in goal settings:

Mistake #1 – Set your goal based upon what you know you can do. 

  • This is usually based upon what you have already done in the past. With this mind-set we stop playing to win and start playing to not loose.
  • At some point in life you have to get outside of your own “knowing” and enlarge your circle of understanding.
  • Nobody wakes up in the morning and declares to the world: “I want to be average today!”
  • CAUTION: The world does not care about how big your goals are. You will get “sucker punched!”

Mistake #2 – Set your goals based upon what you think you can do!

  • The problem here is that by the time you set your goals based upon your comprehension of the circumstances, the circumstances have changed. Your goals become irrelevant and outdated!
  • The whole world is in a state of change. Life is either blossoming or decaying.
  • If you are not in touch with this reality your goals may attempt to give life into a decaying market. Understand the world around you.
  • CAUTION: When your plan fails, you may find it hard to admit the mistake and you will tend to lower the expectations. You can over-obsess the plan and forget the goals!

Mistake #3 – Set your goals based upon knowing how to do something

  • If you declare that you do not know how to do something, you may quite because of the opinion of others. In this case OPINIONS WIN!!
  • Setting goals based upon knowing how to do something is not goal setting at all. It is a “TO-DO-LIST.”
  • Admit this to yourself: “I do not know how to do anything until I have done it the first time!”
  • CAUTION: Suspend the right to know how to do anything!

Mistake #4 –  Questioning whether you are worthy of the goal

  • Critical mistake!
  • You do not ask whether you are worthy of the goal. You ask whether the goal is worth me trading my life for?
  • Re-evaluating our life from time to time is not a dress rehearsal on life as though there is something else. This is the show – every minute of every day of every year. There are no dress rehearsals! Make TODAY COUNT!
  • CAUTION: There are no rewind buttons on life!

Mistake #5 – You believe that the purpose of the goal is the goal

  • The purpose of any goal is not the acquisition of things as a result of the goal achieved.
  • The purpose of any goal in life is to BECOME! Grow into and become God’s maximum expression of your created talents and abilities every day and in every place.
  • The purpose of goal setting is to discover first what you LOVE! This leads to a life of MEANING! This leads to fulfilling your PURPOSE!
  • CAUTION: God does not make LOOSER’S!

OK, now that I have that off of my chest – I am guilty on all counts. However, I made some significant changes in my life a number of years ago to set meaningful goals based upon what I love and not what I want to GET!

Leave a comment or voice message. I would be interested in your thoughts.

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The Science of Goal Setting in 3 Steps for 2015

I am a huge fan of setting goals for my life. Early in my college days I had a professor who repeated a 1,000x (it felt like it) the mantra; “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there!” or  t4_265695425.octet-stream“If you aim at nothing, you will hit it everytime!” I can still hear Dr. Barcalow speaking even now as I type this blog.

While I do not ever remember hearing about the science of goal setting, I am learning there is quite a bit of writing about this topic. There have been major developments in the field of neuroscience that aids in our comprehension of behavior and achievement. While the volume of the book could be wrote on this topic I will limit myself to 3 key elements in establishing goals as we prepare for 2015.

GOAL #1 – Set BHAG Goals ( Big Hairy Audacious Goals)

The science of goal setting  would indicate there is a relationship between big goals and performance. Said another way, the bigger the goal the more apt we are to attempt the goal. According to Kerr and LePelly as quoted in the book; New Developments in Goal Setting & Task Performance, that bigger goals tend to generate sustained enthusiasm  and higher levels of performance. So as you think about 2015 – set the goal higher than anything you have attempted before. As long as you are committed to the goal, you might surprise yourself in what you are capable of accomplishing. When was the last time you thought of something for the first time?

GOAL #2 – Big Goals – Big Performance

Big goals are better than “to-do-lists” because these lists are vague. A to-do-list does not define what is effective, so we are left with more questions than answers. So here are four steps that assist in the accomplishment of big goals and big performance.

  • Big goals orient a person toward big accomplishments and away from the irrelevant.
  • Big goals activate a persons knowledge base on how this goal will be accomplished.
  • Big goals lead a person to work harder at a task than something that is vague.
  • Big goals require feed-back from key people to assess performance and accomplishment at key points in the journey.

GOAL #3 – Journal The Journey

If you cannot articulate your goals in written form, then you are probably day-dreaming. The science of goal setting suggests that by writing your goals out you are 42% more likely to succeed. When something is written it brings clarity and focus in a way that no other exercise can provide. Dr. Gail Matthews suggests those who share their written goals  with trusted friends increase their likelihood of success even more.

Leave your comments about setting goals. Do you try anymore? What are some of your goals for 2015 – I will go first.

 

 

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Netflix Vs. Church

I have noticed recently a number of articles that have been written NetflixBuilding4about the business model of Netflix and how they have dominated the live-streaming entertainment business. They shut-down Blockbuster. We are watching a rearrangement of cultural desires and patterns of life taking place before our eyes. We are given front-row access to this shift in our culture. So what does Netflix have to do with the church? Is there anything that we can take away from this cultural shift that is occurring?

I do believe there are some take-aways from the business model of Netflix and how it is impacting every aspect of our culture. Here are a few observations.

  • We consume content on our terms – think about that for just a moment. Live-sports venues are about the only time that someone else’s schedule is OK with us. Otherwise technology has given us options of when, how, and whose content, commercial free, we will even listen to. Also we have the capacity to stop and start content so that it fits our rhythm of life.
    • There are two subcategories that emerge – one being that our traditional time-slots for doing church is up against the flexibility of people’s lives. Secondly, evidence seems to point out that relationships and mission are going to be more important than singing and preaching in the coming years.
  • Content consumption is personal – technology allows content to be available on multiple platforms and devises. I may start content consumption on my computer, continue in  my car’s bluetooth capacity, and conclude it at Starbucks on my phone.
    • With this new freedom people consume religious content in much the same way – multiple platforms and time schedules.
    • Also there is a great opportunity to call people to a higher purpose. Mission focused, mission driven churches will draw people who are longing for something bigger and more significant than themselves.
  • People pay for content they do not use, until one day they won’t – It is an interesting phenomena  currently. People are paying for cable television they do not watch because it does not fit their life-style rhythm. Until one day people, just like me, decide to stop paying for something that does not meet the need any longer. Netflix has changed the playing field on content consumption.
    • I have noticed a shift in just recent years on church attendance patterns from people that I call stable solid Christians. The freedom to consume content and the various platforms on which it will be consumed gives people new choices that did not exist.
    • Could it be that if our church only offers minimal set times to consume religious content that we may wake up and realize that people may not keep something that is not used that often.
    • If the churches content is that good, then we need to discover multiple ways to make available that content, yet while challenging people to purposes that are bigger than themselves.

I have declared for years that the way we do church today is not the way church will be done at the end of time. I know that our traditions are sacred to us and we are willing to stand up and be heard. I will say that the changing perceptions of the church and the changing patterns of life  should force a new dialogue on what is the main reason for the churches existence? That is a question for future blog posts.

Leave a comment below or use the voice message at the right. Let me know what you think on this subject. Consider your own patterns of content consumption and see if things have not already changed in your life. Let’s talk!

 

t_16343Do what is right! Do the best you can and treat others the way you want to be treated because they will ask three questions: (1) Can I trust you?… (2) Are you committed?… (3) Do you care about me as a person?

 

 

Becoming A Person of Influence (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997), Page 43