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Emotional Capacity – Your Ability to Manage Your Emotions

Here are some basic facts:

• Most people do not see themselves as they really are.
• Many people don’t want to solve their problems, they only want someone to listen to them talk.
• Some people are not emotionally strong, and as a result, they do not cope well with life’s difficulties.

Here are seven (7) insights on how to increase your emotional capacity.

Emotionally strong people are proactive in dealing with their emotions.

The first and most important thing that emotionally strong people do is to take an active approach to their emotions. Researcher M. Asch in her book Perspectives on Applied Psychology states, “Remember motions are the precursors of emotions.” In other words you can influence the outcome of your emotions.

Emotionally strong people do not waste time feeling sorry for themselves.

One of the marks of resilience is learning to tell which pain deserves our attention – Eric Gretiens Navy Seal. This is not to say that we ignore all pain as though it does not count. We must lean that life will hand us difficult circumstances that either can ruin our attitude or we can welcome it as an opportunity for new learning.

Emotionally strong people do not allow others to control their relationships.

Elmer towns stated once that the weaker person usually controls the relationship. Education Professor Leo Buscaglia states, the easiest thing in the world to do is to be you. The hardest thing in the world is to be what others want you to be. We honor relationships, but we do not allow others to control our relationships.

Emotionally strong people do not waste energy on things they cannot control.

Nelson Mandela teaches us that our surroundings need not control our spirit. People who devalue us do not determine our value. Dreams can be birthed during the daily grind. Out of our brokenness, we can be made whole and bring healing to others. Learn the difference between a fact of life and a problem. A fact of life is something that you cannot fix or control. A problem is something that you can solve.

Emotionally strong people do not keep making the same mistakes.

How exhausting it must be for people to keep making the same mistakes and yet expecting different outcomes. Reflection, however turns experience into insight. At some point every person that intends on being successful must take charge of their thinking, direction, and self-talk. The discipline of reflection is where we can become honest with ourselves. How will you create greatness without sincerely dealing with yourself?

Emotionally strong people do not allow highs and lows to control their lives.

John Maxwell follows the 24 hour rule. After every victory he gives it 24 hours to celebrate. After failures, he engages 24 hours of reflection to gain a clearer perspective of what went wrong and why. Hang around positive people when you experience tough times. Better yet, make a difference in someone else’s life.

Emotionally strong people understand, appreciate and grow through their struggles.

Many people resist change, want immediate pay-off, and hope for a problem free life. Emotionally strong people do not expect immediate results. They understand the long haul journey of life. With out resilience, the first failure will also be the last – because it is final. Steve Jobs perhaps said it best, “Erase the board of your achievements and allow yourself to be a beginner again.”

LINKS

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Energy Capacity – Push on Physically

The three R’s Applied To Energy

Over the years I have noticed that people who reach their capacity do not sit back and wait for things to happen to them. They go out and make things happen. That takes energy. How do you focus your energy? Here are three R’s to help you:

1.Requirement – What I have to do

2.Return – What I do well

3.Reward – What I love to do

Even if you don’t have the power to change what is required of you on the job, there are ways to maximize your energy. Consider the following 4 questions.

When Am I Fully Charged?

In his book Are You Fully Charged? Author Tom Rath suggests three conditions for a person to experience a “full charge” in their day:

• MEANING – Doing something that benefits another person
• INTERACTIONS – Creating far more positive than negative moments
• ENERGY – Making choices that improve your mental and physical health

What are the items that answer this question in your life? Consider investing in your family, staying in your gift zone, adding value to others, or possessing a God awareness. You determine the things that energize you.

What Wears Me Down?

Many people have been raised with the “anything-is-possible” myth. Gallup has proven in their studies on disengagement in the work place that people spend years going uphill doing things they are not good at. That is exhausting! Why spend your life trying to be what you are not.

How Successful Are My Energy Pluses?

Tom Rather says that research shows that proximity matters a lot. He says your-well being is more dramatically affected by people you see every day than it is by distant connections. People are not the only energy sources, almost anything can boost our energy. Exercise, music, books, quotes, and inspirational podcasts can give an energy shot. The key point is PROXIMITY! How close are you to the sources that give you a boost.

Where Is The Space for Things I Need but Haven’t Planned?

In an article from Harvard Business Review on Managing Energy stated, “Without intermittent recovery, we are not physiologically capable of sustaining highly positive emotions for long periods. Confronted with relentless demands and unexpected challenges, people tend to slip into negative emotions…Such states of mind drain people’s energy and cause friction in their relationships.

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Develop The Capacity You Already Possess

If you think about capacity in the singular you may be thinking about it incorrectly. What if it is multi-faceted? Allow me to demonstrate this fact with the following list of some capacities.

• Energy Capacity – push through physical limits
• Emotional Capacity – managing emotions well
• Thinking Capacity – effective thinking
• People Capacity – building relationships
• Creative Capacity – seeing options and discovering answers
• Production Capacity – accomplishments
• Leadership Capacity – lifting and leading others

Everyone possesses these capacities and everyone of these capacities is significant to your success. By continually maximizing today’s capacity in these areas, you exponentially increase tomorrow’s potential.

Understand these capacities do not work in isolation. They work together. There are two ways of thinking about this subject. First, your capacity builds in layers. This creates a foundation that you can build your life upon. Seeing these capacities as a unit will give you the strength to build your life upon, you can build something strong and weighty that will stand for a very long time.

Secondly, these capacities connect together. Every time you increase a capacity, it has the potential to synergize with the other capacities which in turn will increase your potential. For example when you increase your energy capacity so that you push through physical barriers, and you increase your leadership capacity, which is lifting others, you overall effectiveness increases. Where you once ran out of energy and stopped engaging with people, you will now push through when it is needed.

As you develop these seven core capacities, explore your options as you engage the upcoming podcasts. Look for ways to expand your ability!

LINKS

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Move Beyond Your Limits

In his book Life Without Limits, Nick Vujicic wrote of Helen Keller who stated, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Risk then is not just part of life. It is LIFE. The place between your comfort zone and your dream is where life takes place.

I believe that you can live a life with no limits, that you can go further than you believe and can do more than you dreamed. This does not mean that you do not possess limitations. Think about some of the limiting factors that you need to acknowledge and accept.

BIRTH CAPS

Your Place of Birth – You may love or hate the place of your birth. It is what it is.

The Year of Your Birth – You may wish that you were born at a different era, but that does not change when and in what circumstances you were born.

Your Birth Family – You do not get to choose your birth family, birth order, siblings or upbringing. Good or bad you have to live with it and make the best of it.

Your Birth Characteristics – You cannot change your genetic makeup, your race, your bone structure, or your height.

Life Caps

We do not have any control over how our life begins, but there are many things that happen to us in our lives that we cannot control. We suffer accidents or illnesses. We lose people we love. We realize that we don’t have the talent or ability to fulfill a dream.

Part of the process of fulfilling your purpose is becoming aware of the things you can’t change that limit you, so that you direct your attention toward the things you can maximize to increase your capacity.

Caps you Can Remove

You can work to remove caps that others put on you. I think the greatest example of this lies within the Old Testament in the story of David’s anointing to be the next King of Israel. David was the last to be examined, a person that was a sheep herder. A King? Not really!

I am not willing to surrender my potential today to other people. I don’t know about you, but I have fought to hard to just allow people to determine my future.

You can remove caps that you place on yourself. We all place caps on our potential. The good news is that we do not have to leave them in place.

You can remove the desire to have others approval.

You can remove yourself from a limiting environment. You do not have to stay in an environment that limits your potential – Move to another city, change jobs, change careers, but do not stay.

Expose yourself to a growing list of success oriented people as a model for your life. Get to know other successful people – broaden your horizons!

Becoming a lid lifter and cap remover in others is the most rewarding experience you can achieve. Simply saying, “I BELIEVE IN YOU!” can transform other people. Do not put your life on hold so that you dwell on the unfairness of past hurts.

You can be successful if others do not believe in you. But you cannot be a success if you do not believe in yourself.

LINKS

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Do You Know What Is Limiting You?

Understanding some deep truths about capacity….

Your Capacity is Not Set

If you are like most people, I bet you would like to achieve more out of life that what you are currently experiencing. Have you accomplished everything? Or Do you want to do more, be more, and see more? So the question is, “What is getting in your way?” If you do not know what is getting in your way, how will you remove it? Many times label’s get in the way – High capacity people Vs. Low capacity people. Maybe you just accept that as reality. That’s a problem! Many people hear the word capacity and see only limitations because they believe it is set. Therefore people give up on the idea that capacity can enlarge and that I can learn. Many people do not lead their lives, they accept their lives and call it fate!

Activist Roberto Verzola stated regarding economists, “The most fundamental assumption in economists is scarcity. This in effect assumes away abundance…when confronted with abundance they fall back into inadequate theories based upon scarcity.” In other words Verzola is describing limitations. So that we are clear, I believe that 100% of people can grow and increase their potential. I would also acknowledge that all of us have caps on our capacity. Some caps are fixed, but others are not. This truth should never be allowed as an excuse to not grow. See beyond your caps.

You Can Become Aware of The Possibilities That Can Make You Better

If you lack awareness, then you do not know that you are unaware. It is a blind spot. You do not know what you do not know. You cannot see what you cannot see. Here are four (4) things to think about to become more self-aware.

ATTENTION: Looking for what I need to know. This means that we need to look at old habits in new ways. Who we are determines how we see others.

AWARENESS: Discovering what I need to know. There are some items that can prevent this discovery.

Excuses

Success fantasies that are not grounded in reality

Talking without listening to others

Unresolved negative emotions

Habitual self-distractions

Absence of personal reflection

Unwillingness to pay the price to gain experience

DISCERNMENT: Focusing on what I need to do. As you grow in your understanding, you must now learn where to focus your attention. The old adage is true; chase two rabbits and you catch neither.

INTENTION: Acting on what I need to do. We get results when we take what we have learned and put it into action.

You Can Remove The Caps From Your Capacity

The next step in this process is to remove caps that are holding you back. Awareness changes everything. As soon as you become aware that some limitations are artificial we begin to overcome them. In the book If It Ain’t Broke…Break It! The authors write, “We don’t have a clue as to what people’s limits are. All tests, stopwatches and finish lines in the world cannot measure human potential….Our ability is largely untapped.”

You Can Develop Capacities That You Already Possess

Here are seven capacities that you can maximize…

Energy Capacity – Your ability to push physically

Emotional Capacity – Your ability to manage your emotions

Thinking Capacity – Your ability to think effectively

People Capacity – Your ability to develop relationships

Creative Capacity – Your ability to see options and find answers

Production Capacity – your ability to accomplish results

Leadership Capacity – Your ability to lift and lead others

You Can Make Choices That Maximize Your Possibilities

Here are some choices that you can make that will increase your capacity.

Responsibility  Risk(non-Comfort Zone)

Character  Spiritual

Abundance(There is more)  Growth

Intentionality  Partnerships

Attitude

LINKS

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Benefits of Shared Thinking

“None of us is as smart as all of us” – Ken Blanchard

People who participate in shared thinking understand the following.

Shared Thinking Is Faster Than Solo Thinking

We are truly living in a fast pace world. To function at this speed, we simply cannot afford to go it alone. The generation that is entering the market-place understand this the best. This is part of the reason that this generation values community so highly and are more likely to work at such a company versus one that pays well. Working with others creates shortcuts that enhances the work place. If you need to learn a new skill get with someone who has mastered it already and learn form them. Do not get off in a corner by yourself and attempt to figure it out.

Shared Thinking Is More Innovative Than Solo Thinking

We tend to think that great leaders and thinkers are soloists. Innovation results from collaboration. Albert Einstein stated, “Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” If you combine your thoughts with the thoughts of others you will arrive at thoughts that you have never had.

Shared Thinking Brings More Maturity Than Solo Thinking

As much as we would like to think that we are no-it-all’s, each of us have blind spots and areas of inexperience. When you combine your experience with someone else’s you have a broader range of discussion at the table.

Shared Thinking Is Stronger Than Solo Thinking

Philosopher Goethe stated, To accept good advise is but to increase one’s own ability.” A synergy comes from working together. That same energy comes into play when you think together.

Shared Thinking Returns Greater Value Than Solo Thinking

Because that shared thinking is stronger, it stands to reason that the yield will also be higher. This is a result of a compounding affect of shared thinking. Clarence Francis ob

Shared Thinking Is The Only Way To Have Great Thinking

I believe that all great thinking begins with two or three good thoughts. Playwright Ben Jonson stated that he that is taught by himself has a fool for a master. If you and I bring one thought to the table, we will have two thoughts, which leads to an even greater thought.

No matter what you are trying to accomplish, you can do it better with shared thinking. Good leadership helps put together the right people at the right time, in the right place, and for the right purpose so that everyone can win. All it takes is the right people and the willingness to participate in shared thinking.

LINKS

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Question Popular Thinking

“I’m not an answering machine. I’m a questioning machine. If we have all of the answers, how come we are in such a mess?” – Douglas Cardinal

Economist John Keynes stated once “The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from the old ones.” Going against popular thinking is difficult, no matter your profession. If you value popularity over good thinking then you will severely limit your potential to learn the types of thinking that we have been podcasting over the recent weeks.

Popular thinking is …….

Too average to understand the value of good thinking

Too inflexible to realize the impact of changed thinking

Too lazy to master the process o intentional thinking

Too small to see the wisdom of big-picture thinking

Too satisfied to unleash the potential of focused thinking

Too traditional to discover the joy of creative thinking

Too limiting to feel the energy of possibility thinking

Too trendy to embrace the lessons of reflective thinking’

Too shallow to question the acceptance of popular thinking

Why you should question the acceptance of popular thinking

Popular Thinking Sometimes Means Not Thinking

Good thinking is hard work. If were easy everyone would be a good thinker. It is easier to do what people are doing and hope they thought it through. When people blindly follow a trend they are not doing their own thinking.

Popular Thinking Offers False Hope

Many people look for safety and security in popular thinking. The presumption is if a lot of people are doing something, then it must be right. It must be a good idea. Remember history, it was said by Copernicus as he studied the stars that he could prove the earth was the center of the universe. Popular thinking…stated that surgical instruments did not need to be cleaned, that women did not have the right to vote, and put Nazi’s in power in Germany. Sometimes popular thinking is obvious in its flaws and other times it is less obvious. For example the American culture has bought into the idea of buy now and pay later. This has caused untold damage to people’s lives.

Popular Thinking Is Slow To Embrace Change

Popular thinking loves the status quo. It places all of its confidence in the moment and holds on to it for all that it is worth. Donald Nelson, former President of Independent Motion Picture Producers stated; “We must discard the idea that past routine, past ways of doing things, are probably the best ways. On the contrary, we must assume that there is a probably a better way to do almost everything. We must stop assuming that a thing which has never been done before probably cannot be done at all.”

Popular Thinking Brings Only Average Results

Popular=Normal=Average is really the true picture. We limit our success when we adopt popular thinking. It represents investing in the least amount of energy to just get by. You mist reject common thinking if you want to accomplish uncommon results.

How To Question The Acceptance of Popular Thinking

Think Before You Follow

The problem is that people follow almost automatically. Perhaps they desire to take the path of least resistance. Perhaps at other times there is a fear of rejection. Challenging popular thinking requires a willingness to be unpopular and go outside the norm. As you begin to think against the grain of popular thinking, remind yourself that….

Unpopular thinking, even when resulting in success is largely underrated, unrecognized, and misunderstood.

Unpopular thinking contains the seeds of vision and opportunity

Unpopular thinking is required for all progress

Appreciate Thinking Different From Your Own

One of the ways to embrace innovation and change is to learn to appreciate how others think. Spend time with people of different backgrounds, education levels, professional experiences, personal interests, etc. You will think like people whom you spend the most time. If you spend time with people who think out of the box, you’re more likely to challenge popular thinking and break new ground.

Continually Question your Own Thinking

Let’s face it, if we find a way of thinking that works, our temptations is to go back to it repeatedly, even if it does not work as well. Andy Stanley in a Catalyst Conference stated that every tradition was originally a good idea, perhaps even revolutionary. But every tradition may not be a good idea for the future.

Try New Things In New Ways

When was the last time that you did something for the first time? Do you avoid taking risks or trying new things? Unpopular thinking asks questions and seeks opinions. It is true that people are more satisfied with old problems than committed to finding new solutions. You see, how you go about doing new things is not as important as making sure you do it. Get out there and do something new today.

LINKS

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Learn From Reflective Thinking

“To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection” – Julius Poincare

The pace of our society does not encourage reflective thinking. Most people would rather act than think. Do not misunderstand my thoughts, I love action and high energy. Our thoughts however, are more like a crock-pot that allows things to slowly come to a simmer until you are ready for action. The goal in reflective thinking is to learn from successes, mistakes, and try to figure what should not be repeated. By mentally visiting past situations, you can think with greater understanding. Consider the following five (5) insights regarding reflective thinking.

Reflective Thinking Gives You True Perspective

When you reflect, you are able to put an experience into perspective. You are able to evaluate its timing. You are able to gain a new appreciation for things that before were unnoticed. Most people are able to recognize the sacrifices of their parents or other people only when they become parents themselves. That is the kind of perspective that comes from reflection.

Reflective Thinking Gives Emotional Integrity To Your Thought Life

Few people have good perspective in the heat of an emotional moment. Most individuals who enjoy the thrill of an experience try to go back and recapture it without first trying to evaluate it. This is one of the reasons our culture produces so many thrill seekers. Likewise, those who survive a traumatic experience usually avoid similar situations at all costs, which sometimes ties them into emotional knots. President Washington stated, “We ought not to look back unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors, and for purposes of profiting by dearly bought experience.”

Reflective Thinking Increases Your Confidence In Decision-making

Have you ever made a snap judgment and later wondered if you did the right thing? Everybody has! Reflective thinking can help defuse that doubt. It also gives you confidence for the next decision. Your thoughts become mental road-makers that help you navigate the next time you pass that issue again.

Reflective Thinking Clarifies The Big Picture

When you engage in reflective thinking, you can put ideas and experiences into a more accurate context. It encourages us to return and revisit life by pondering what we have done and where we have been. This will allow you to see parts of the story that you may have been blinded by. New realities emerge in terms of skills for the future or reasons why failure was so painful.

Reflective Thinking Takes A Good Experience and Makes It A Valuable Experience

William Shakespeare wrote, “Experience is a jewel, and it had need be so, for it is often purchased at an infinite rate.” It is not necessarily the experience that becomes valuable. It is the wisdom gained by means of the experience. Reflective thinking turns experience into insight!

How to embrace the lessons of reflective thinking.

Set aside time for reflection

Remove yourself from distractions

Regularly review your calendar

Ask the right questions

• Personal Growth – What have I learned today?
• Adding Value – To whom did I add value?
• Leadership – Did I lead by example?
• Personal Faith – Did I represent God well today?
• Marriage & Family – Did I communicate love to my family today?
• Inner Circle – Have I spent time with key people on my team?
• Discoveries – What did I encounter that requires more time to think?

Cement your learning through actions

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Explore Possibility Thinking

Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said could not be done – Sam Ewing

People with possibility thinking are capable of accomplishing tasks that seem impossible because they believe in solutions. Here are 7 reasons why you should become a possibility thinker.

Possibility Thinking Increases Your Possibilities

When you believe you can do something difficult and you succeed – many doors will open for you. George Lucas succeeded in making Star Wars despite those who said the special effects had never been done or simply stated that it was impossible. Lucas created a company called Industrial Light and Magic to produce what others said was impossible

Possibility Thinking Draws Opportunities and People To You

People who think big attract big people. You must become a possibility thinker to accomplish big things.

Possibility thinking Increases Others’ Possibilities

Big thinkers who make big things happen also create possibilities for others. Big thinking is contagious. You can’t help think bigger thoughts when you are around big thinkers. Who desires to wake every morning and declare to the world that I want to be average!

Possibility Thinking Allows You To Dream Big Dreams

No matter what your profession, possibility thinking can help you to broaden your horizons and dream bigger dreams. Professor David Schwartz believes that big thinkers are specialists in creating positive forward-looking optimistic pictures in their minds and in the minds of other people.

Possibility Thinking Makes It Possible To Rise Above Average

Back in the era of the oil crisis in the 70’s, auto manufacturers attempted to make cars lighter for fuel efficiency. They concluded that it could not be done. They gave the project to an unknown engineering group who believed in solving problems and found ways to cut the weight by hundreds of pounds. Every time that you remove the label IMPOSSIBLE from a task, you increase your potential from average to off the charts.

Possibility Thinking Gives You Energy

A direct correlation exists between possibility thinking and the level of one’s energy. Thinks about it, who gets energized by the prospect of losing? If you believe that something is impossible, how much time and energy are you going to give it?

Possibility Thinkers Keep You From Giving Up

Above all, possibility thinkers believe they can succeed. Denis Waitley, author of The Psychology of Winning, states, The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am. Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have done, or what they don’t do.” If you believe you can’t do something, then it does not matter how hard that you try, you have already lost.

In order to feel the energy that possibility thinking can bring into your life, I want offer six suggestions for your consideration. Remember that people with a “It-can’t-be-done” attitude have two choices. Either they think about the worst scenario and experience regularly or change their thinking. Here are six suggestions of feeling the energy of possibility thinking.

1.Stop Focusing on impossibilities

2.Stay away from the experts

3.Look for possibilities in every situation

4.Dream one size bigger

5.Question the status quo

6.Find inspiration from great achievers

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Strategic Planning

Most people spend more time planning their summer vacation than planning their lives.

Generally speaking most people plan their lives one day at a time. Others may plan one week at a time. Rarely can you get people to think in large quantities of time. Bobb Biehl wrote once, “We tend to over-estimate what we can accomplish in twelve months and under-estimate what we can accomplish in five years. It has been said that most people do not lead their lives, they accept their lives and call it fate!

Strategic thinking helps me to plan, become more efficient, to maximize my strengths, and to look for different paths to achieving a desired objective. Consider these six reasons for adopting strategic thinking.

Strategic Thinking Simplifies the Difficult

Novelist Miguel de Cervantes wrote, “The man who is prepared has his battle half-fought.” Strategic thinking takes long-term objectives which can be difficult to address, and breaks them down into manageable sizes. Complexity becomes simplified with strategic thinking.

Strategic Thinking Prompts you To Ask The Right Question

Strategic thinking forces you through a process of deeper reflection. Bobb Biehl has suggested six areas to evaluate:

• DIRECTION – What should we do next? Why?
• ORGANIZATION – Who is responsible for what? Who is responsible for whom? So we have the right people in place?
• CASH – What is our projected income, expenses? Can we afford it? How can we afford it?
• TRACKING – Are we on target?
• OVERALL EVALUATION – Are we achieving the quality we expect and demand of ourselves?
• REFINEMENT – How can we be more effective and more efficient?

Strategic Thinking Prompts Customization

General Patton once stated that successful generals make plans to fit circumstances, but do not try to create circumstances to fit plans. Strategy is not a “One Size Fits All” proposition. Sloppy and generalized thinking is the enemy of achievement

Strategic Thinking Prepares You Today For an Uncertain Tomorrow

Strategic thinking is the bridge that links where you are to where you want to be. It has been said that strategic thinking is like saddling your dreams before you ride them.

Strategic Thinking Reduces The Margin of Error

Without this type of thinking it is like the person involved in shooting sports who shoots, aims, ready. Slightly off line becomes way off line as time moves us forward. The better the alignment, the better the results.

Strategic Thinking Gives You Influence with Others

One executive stated that our company has a short ranged plan and a long range plan. Our short range plan is to stay afloat long enough to make it to our long range plan. That is hardly a strategy!

LINKS

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Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!