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How To Be Charismatic

The Science of Personal Magnetism

Charisma.

Most people think it’s something you either have or you don’t have.

But…

That’s a myth.

As Olivia Fox Cabane tells us in The Charisma Myth, research shows that we can ALL learn how to dial up our charisma and become more magnetically connected to those around us. It’s a skill we can learn.

How?

By practicing the three essential components of charisma: Presence + Power + Warmth.

Rule #1 of charisma? PRESENCE. In fact, Stanford’s Emma Seppälä tells us: “Charisma, simply put, is absolute presence.”

Absolute presence. Think about and feel into that for a moment. What is NOT present in this atmosphere?

SMARTPHONES! The chirps from the latest push notifications causes us to become like Pavlov’s dogs that learned to salivate by a conditioned environment.  You know what that tells the person you’re with? That you just don’t care that much about them. And, that’s a great way to kill all connection and charisma.

The second facet of charisma? Power. People are constantly, subconsciously detecting power or a lack thereof. Therefore, if we want to dial up our charisma, we need to dial up our personal power. The easiest way to do that? Your body language. Stand tall, breathe deeply, smile.

The third facet of charisma? Warmth. We may be present and powerful but if the person with whom we’re interacting doesn’t think we’ll use that power for their good then… no charisma. So… Dial up your presence and your power AND your warmth. How? Well, easy. Truly care about the other person. Have a sense of goodwill for them. Want what’s best for them. And beam that love their way.

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SA Leadership Podcast Episode #169

What Attitude Can Do

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:59 — 11.0MB) | Embed

Have you ever pondered, “What separates the best from the rest?” It is attitude!

Denis Waitley stated in the book The Winner’s Edge, “The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success. But you can’t buy and attitude for a million dollars. Attitudes are not for sale.”

Let’s consider four things that attitude can do for us.

Your Attitude Makes A Difference in Your Approach To Life

  • The happiest people in life don’t necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
  • A person’s attitude has a profound influence on his approach to life.
  • One of things that I have learned in life is that life often gives you whatever you expect from it.

Your Attitude Makes A Difference In Your Relationships With People

  • To be successful you need to get along with people.
  • President Roosevelt stated, “The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.”
  • Consider these three key ideas
    • Who we are determines how we see others
    • Hurting people hurt people
    • We can lift up or take down other people in our relational circle
  • Each person that we meet has the potential to teach us something

Your Attitude Makes A Difference In How You Face Challenges

  • Life is going to give us obstacles, challenges and problems. They are inevitable. How will you handle them? Will you give up? Consider the following successful people.
  • Demosthenes, the greatest orator has a speech impediment
  • Martin Luther translated the New Testament into German while incarcerated
  • Pilgrims Progress was wrote in prison by John Bunyan

Your Attitude Is The Difference Maker

  • Dr. Earnest Rosenbaum stated that we have known for over 2,000 years there is a correlation between the mind, body and health.
  • Poet John Milton wrote, The mind is its own place, and it itself can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.
  • Your attitude has a profound influence on how you see the world

LINKS

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE

FREE GIFT – “The Art of Balancing Candor With Care” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page

Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service

Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!

 

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Put First Things First

2nd Things - NOT AT ALL

Stephen Covey popularized the phrase “Put first things first!” It is generally accepted that Peter Drucker originated the phrase. And you know what he said we should do with “second things.” He said we should ignore them. Specifically, he said, “First things first — and second things not at all.” (He also said, “If there is one ‘secret’ of effectiveness, it is concentration. Effective executives do first things first and they do one thing at a time.”).

Fact is, in any given moment there is only ONE most important thing to do. And, that’s what the best among us do. Over and over and over and over and over again.

Swimming Coach Bob Bowman taught Micheal Phelps to W.I.N. – “WHAT’S IMPORTANT NOW.” The accomplishments of Michael Phelps is unquestioned as the most decorated athlete in Olympic history – 28 medals with 23 of them for Gold. There is something to be said about Coach Bowman’s method of “micro-wins”  over and over again, day after day – month after month.

Putting first things first will lead to amazing  accomplishments!

To be clear: This doesn’t mean working all the time or obsessively grinding in any aspect of our lives. It means seeing the big picture and knowing when the most important thing is NOT working but, rather, turning off your technology so you can connect with your family or your higher self.

That’s TRUE Winning.

Remember: First things first. Second things? Not at all.

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SA Leadership Podcast Episode #168

What Your Attitude Cannot Do

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:29 — 10.5MB) | Embed

You cannot disconnect Attitude from Reality and expect success!

Where Attitude Cannot Make The Difference

Your Attitude Cannot Substitute for Competence

  • Confidence is a function of attitude. Competence is a function of ability. They are not the same but they are both needed.
  • A great attitude can help you personally. It can make you content and more pleasant to be around. But it cannot help you positionaly. If you do not have competence in your favor, then you are going to be trouble.
  • Even if your attitude is excellent and yet you lack competence – you become a major distraction to the Team’s effort of hitting their goals in a timely manner. Your incompetence becomes the distraction to everyone else around you.

Your Attitude Cannot Substitute for Experience

  • The problem with experience is that you rarely have it until after you need it.
  • Experience is often a hard teacher because the test is given firs and then the lessons come afterward.

Your Attitude Cannot Change The Facts

  • A University of Texas study on aging found that people who had a more positive attitude remained more physically hardy than pessimistic people the same age.
  • Poet Maya Angelou stated, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

Your Attitude Cannot Substitute for Personal Growth

  • Musician Bruce Springsteen says, “A time comes when you need to stop waiting for the man you want to be become and start being the man you want to be.”
  • Nothing can substitute for continual learning. You need to feed your mind and soul to become the person you desire to be.

Your Attitude Will Not Stay Good Automatically

  • In the book Today Matters, one of the concepts is that most people overrate decision making and underrate decision managing.
  • It is easy to say that from now on I am going to have a great attitude. It is another thing to actually follow through.

LINKS

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE

FREE GIFT – “The Art of Balancing Candor With Care” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page

Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service

Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!

 

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Micro Wins

You Are The CEO of Yourself - So Crush It Daily

Quick question: If you were managing someone and had to guess the #1 thing that would most boost their inner work life, what would you guess it to be? Teresa Amabile, head of research at Harvard Business School has surveyed hundreds of top executives and managers. She has discovered that 95% of those surveyed have gotten the answer wrong. They simply do not know what motivates people. ANSWER: Small wins. Progress on meaningful projects. People feel their best and perform at their best when they’re making progress on something that matters to them. It’s the TINY little wins we can create for ourselves day in and day out that make the most difference.

You are the CEO of yourself! It is time to manage your “Rock-Star” employee as well as possible. Here are two things to consider:

  1. What is a meaningful goal for you today?
  2. How can you make just a little progress on this goal today!

Repeat tomorrow. And the day after that. And the one after that. Make creating micro wins for yourself a habit.

Suggested Book by Teresa Amabile & Steven Kramer

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SA Leadership Podcast Episode #167

Your Greatest Asset

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 16:29 — 15.1MB) | Embed

What is Attitude?

When you hear this word, what comes to mind? I tend to think of attitude as an inward feeling expressed by outward behavior! Some people attempt to mask their attitude and in fact they can fool other people for a while. However, the cover-up does not last forever. Attitude always wiggles its way out.

Your attitude colors every aspect of your life. It is like the minds paintbrush. You can paint everything in bright colors and hues or dreary dark colors. Consider attitude in this way:

  • Its root is inward but its fruit is outward
  • It is your best friend or worst enemy
  • It is the speaker of your present
  • It is the prophet of your future
  • It is never content until it is expressed
  • It is what draws people to you or repels them

Where Did I Get My Attitude?

Personality – Who Are You?

  • Each person is unique and different – we all have different fingerprints
  • Your personality type – your natural hard-wiring impacts your attitude.
  • This is not to say that you are trapped by it, but it is to say that your attitude is impacted by your personality.

Environment – What is Around You?

  • The environment that you were exposed to in your early years had an impact upon your attitude. Did your parents divorce? Were you wounded by close friends? Did a close relative die? Were you raised in a poor neighborhood?

The Expression of Others – What You Feel

  • We remember harsh words spoken to for decades.
  • Verbal scars can be carried for years, in fact all of our life in some cases.
  • However, living words spoken in season gives LIFE – HOPE – FREEDOM!

Self Image – How You See Yourself

  • Poor self-image and poor attitudes usually walk hand-n-hand
  • It has been stated that every label that you attach to yourself is a boundary or limit that you will not allow yourself to cross.
  • If you do not change your inward feelings about yourself, you will not be able to change outward behavior toward other people.

Exposure To Growth Opportunities – What You Experience

  • Growth opportunities that people experience are not all equal. Higher education is not for everyone in the same way that trade schools is not for everyone.
  • We do not all have the same upbringing. We are all influenced by geography, family history and origins.

Association With Peers – Who You Choose To Be With

  • Hanging our with the wrong crowd can greatly impact attitude.
  • Learn to hang our with people that have a growth mind-set.

Belief – What Know To Be True

  • Thoughts can make you rise or fall
  • Thoughts can make you a success or failure
  • Thoughts can make you laugh or cry
  • Thoughts can be nurtured into something beautiful
  • Your thoughts can be lived out for others to see
  • The sum of all your thoughts comprises your overall attitude

Choices – What You Do

  • It is has been said that unless you are willing to change your own disposition you waste your life in fruitless efforts!
  • The more that you live the more that life is shaped by choices.

Victor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor that earned his PhD in Psychiatry and Neuroscience, spoke in 206 universities and wrote 150 books once wrote, “Each man is questioned by life and he can only answer to life for his own life, to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

LINKS

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE

FREE GIFT – “The Art of Balancing Candor With Care” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page

Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service

Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!

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Manage The Decisions You Make

How is Your Resolve?

Your decision to do something is only as good as your resolve to manage that decision. The most important decision you make is the attitude you choose. Here are five BIG ATTITUDE ATTACKERS:

  1. Discouragement – This is highly contagious!
  2. Problems – Solving problems is the quickest way to gain leadership.
  3. Change – This takes you out of your comfort zone.
  4. Fear – If faith is greater than fear, the stronger emotion wins.
  5. Failure – It can be the sting to get down on yourself.

 

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SA Leadership Podcast Episode #166

10 Powerful Questions

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 13:29 — 12.4MB) | Embed

5 Questions about Awareness for your Growth

What are some of the unintended consequences in making this decision? (This question is a response question when statement is made; “I have decided this is the best way forward for our company or Team?). Every decision can have unintended consequences due to a lack of awareness.

Follow Up Question: Anything Else? A client will not always give you the whole picture, but will give you bits and pieces. By repeating this question you obtain the BIG PICTURE.

What am I missing? This can be a great question when resolving conflict or mediation.

WHY? This is a universal question to gain awareness.

Do you feel over-worked? Follow up question; Do you feel that your talents are being under-utilized?

The quality of your question determines the quality of the response – Learn to ask great questions!

Leaders are readers – highlight questions that you come across in the context of the material that you are reading.

Never presume that you have a complete knowledge of a circumstance.

Networking and Team Development Questions

Everyday how can I make my team better? How can you make your team better everyday? What is one or two things that you could do daily?

Is this the best you and your team can achieve? Managers – Team Leaders – Pastors – Denominational Leaders – etc. This is a stretching or visionary question. The power of this question is to challenge growth.

On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your team for engagement? How are they really engaged in the vision and mission of the company? The follow up question would be what would it take to move this team to the next level (I.e. from a 6 to a 7). Bonus follow-up question, “Anything Else?”

What are the most important values of a leader? ( Equipping another leader). What does it mean to you personally? This brings a different response between what I must do versus what I think others should do. Would you like to be a better connecter with other people?

How do you make the most of this opportunity? Every opportunity can lead to another opportunity!

LINKS

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE

FREE GIFT – “The Art of Balancing Candor With Care” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page

Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service

Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!

 

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Find Your Strength Zone and Stay There

People Don't Pay For Average

Three Key Questions

What is required of me?

What gives me my greatest return?

What brings the greatest reward?

Find the intersection of these three questions and you have found your strength zone. This formula was born after 25+ years of leadership by John Maxwell. He summarized his response to the above three questions like this; Connecting, Communicating, and Creating.

Stay In Your Strength Zone

People do not pay for average. People do not go looking for a mediocre restaurant. Employers do not award the contract to a salesman named Mr. Average. Nobody says, Let’s give the contract to the company that will merely do an adequately job. Here are some suggestions that will assist you in the discovery of your strength zone.

Trial and Error: Nothing teaches you more than your successes and failures. You must be willing to fail in order to discover your successes.

The Counsel of Others: Asking others to evaluate your effectiveness is not always fun. Be sure to chose people who do not have an agenda. Consider the Birkman 360 to get a solid report on God’s design of yourself and others perception of that design.

Personality Tests: There are many of these types of instruments. My all-time choice is the Birkman Questionnaire. Dr. Roger Birkman, founder had a drive to discover how we were fearfully and wonderfully made. This tool stands apart from all others. Some other suggestions might the Myers/Briggs, Strength Finders, or Disc.

Personal Experience: You get a feel for how well you do something repeatedly. Remember that experience is not the best teacher – evaluated experience is the best teacher!

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SA Leadership Podcast Episode #165

Removing Regrets

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 17:58 — 16.5MB) | Embed

1.Spending too little time with the right people.

  • Nothing is more ill-fitting than spending time with the wrong person.
  • Spend time with people who make your life richer.
  • The right people…
  • Love me no matter what, despite my flaws, unconditionally
  • Add value to me. They make me better.
  • Continually grow. It makes me more determined to improve myself.
  • Walk my journey with me. They know what’s important to me and we travel together.
  • Are excited about life.
  • Refuel me. They give me energy and inspire me.

Ask: Who’s sitting beside me? Are they the right person?

  1. Not saying what you need to say.
  • The regret is not saying what you want to say, it’s saying what you need to say.
  • Ask: How do I need to use my voice?
  • Gift voice: what I do well. We all have one. How do you know? It’s in an area where you have intuition and timing.
  • Character voice: standing up for what I believe. Not allowing other people to decide for me.
  • Experience voice: what I know and what I’ve learned.
  • Heart voice: what I feel. This one can cause regret more than others. It’s important to let the people you love know what you feel and what they mean to you.
  • Dream voice: where I’m going, my calling.
  • Question Voice: what I don’t know or understand. Having the courage to ask for help. Gives me more growth and more joy than anything else.
  1. Not taking action on things worthwhile.
  • The secret to getting ahead is getting started.
  • If you procrastinate, you’ll never have a shot at winning.

Being Action-Oriented:

  • I rise early. If you’re not a good morning person, be a good night person; don’t let the day pass You.
  • I prioritize my most important to-do’s and do them first.
  • I remove distractions. Get in an environment or use your distraction-free time to get your most important things done.
  • I set timelines. I block my time so the major tasks get done.
  • I make visual and verbal commitments. Tell others what you plan to do so they can hold you accountable. You’ll be more accountable if you can see it or you say it.

Control your agenda so you can create margins for thinking and doing more than others can do.

  • I control my agenda. You either keep your own calendar, set your own agenda or others will set it for you.
  • I evaluate my calendar. I evaluate it based on my actions not intentions.
  • I review my actions and I ask, am I making progress.
  1. Not allowing others to control your destiny.
  • “I cannot and will not recant anything…”—Martin Luther
  • Average people want you to stay average.
  • People cannot give what they do not have. If they aren’t fueling you, they have nothing to give and if you hang with them, you’ll run on empty too.
  • You become like the five people you spend the most time with and the books you read.
  • Emotionally dysfunctional people should not control you.
  • Have the courage to speak up and take control of your life.

We all have regrets. The goal is not to revisit them. Don’t try to do them over. Start today taking steps in the right direction.

“The biggest difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.”

“Where you are today is the product of what you’ve done yesterday.”

LINKS

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE

Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE

FREE GIFT – “The Art of Balancing Candor With Care” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page

Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service

Music: “Gratitude Mood” by David Arivett. You can learn more about his music by clicking on his name. THANKS DAVID!