Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the 1969 wrote about her observations of terminally ill people in her book, Death and Dying. Her book came into existence because of a lack of training in the medical schools on the subject of various phases of acceptance in terminally ill patients. Her work was never intended to be prescriptive, rather, these were observations of a general progression from the shock of bad news all the way to a level of acceptance of a new reality. The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we are losing or have in fact lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. They are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. The hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief ‘s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is unique as you are. These 5-stages are merely a mosaic of the journey of people whose lives were moving in one direction and now a sudden shift in life’s direction has radically altered previous held dreams.
Author David Kessler had the privilege to co-author 2 books with Ross; Life Lessons and On Grief and Grieving. Kessler has authored a new book, Finding Meaning; The Sixth Stage of Grief. In this book he has added Meaning as the sixth stage of grief. Kessler writes from a perspective of suddenly losing his 21-year old son. His writing is from a perspective of living life in a way that brings honor to those we have lost. He makes a distinction between attempting to find closure versus living with meaning that honors. This adds to the mosaic of radical change that has occurred which brings people to how do I find meaning and live out that meaning in the face of new realities.
In a recent “Church Pulse Podcast”, there was a discussion that many pastors are experiencing aspects of the now 6-stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning. A California Pastor commented, “I do not know what grief stage I am in at the moment. Everything has changed.” Covid-19 will be remembered for the radical change in how the end of life has been celebrated due to “Social Distancing.” There is a sense that Covid-19 end-of-life services has denied us a right to close this chapter in life. Truthfully, this pandemic is not about, “How do I get through this event so we can get back to normal?” Rather, I believe it is about; “How do I change in order to thrive in a new world after this event?” Living honorably in a new world that is already giving us a new meaning to life is our goal!
Shepherds Advantage provides Servant Leadership that helps people close the gap between where they are and where they want to be. Shepherds Advantage closes that gap by providing Leadership Development, Keynote Speaking, and Executive Coaching.
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