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What are your coping mechanisms for seasons of high stress? What is your overall mental, emotional, and physical health strategy? If resilience is the ability to bounce back, to persevere, how do you do that? These are powerful questions for the modern-day faith leader to ponder. Allow me to add an additional layer of complexity to this blog article. Consider the following two quotes that may appear to be contradictory, yet both are true at the same time.
Leadership is not getting what you want – it is replicating who you are – John Maxwell
We are not the churches we lead or the sermons we preach. We are beloved children of God -Glenn Packiam
Let’s begin with Dr. Packiam’s statement. He is suggesting that our primary starting presupposition is that of recognizing and living in the reality of being a child of God. From this context we lead others based upon the daily realization of Heaven’s impact upon my living first. We do not force people into our plans and dreams, we lead people based upon our relationship and daily walk with Christ Jesus. From Dr. Packiam’s position, Dr. John Maxwell’s position is also true. Dr. Maxwell is leaving open the idea that no matter your starting presupposition you ultimately get who you are not what you desire.
What we know for a fact, the resent two years have been the most challenging years of faith leadership ever recorded in history. These challenges have flushed out the starting presuppositions of church leaders and congregations. What we have come to realize during our pandemic season is that Biblical discipleship is not near as strong and resilient as we might have supposed. This will be an upcoming blog article. However, what I can say is that resilient leadership is required NOW to discover a fresh articulation of Vision, Mission, and Measurement of what matters most beyond the pandemic.
Let’s consider some hard truths about Pastoral support systems that are now evident thanks to the Barna Research Group (The State of Your Church report). Consider the following:
83% of ministers can recall a specific time in which they knew they were called into vocational ministry.
38% of ministers have seriously considered leaving their vocational calling in the last 10 months.
38% of ministers talk with someone about their mental and emotional state of being.
24% of ministers meet with a Mentor
12% of ministers meet with a Counselor
Pastoral Ministry is relational work that often involves an “illusion of intimacy”. Think about it – Ministers are usually present in people’s deepest moments of joy and deepest moments of sorrow. We are not there as a Sunday afternoon buddy watching football together. There is an inconsistency of intimacy. This inconsistency can and will take its’ toll upon the heart and life of ministers. Ministers call upon deep and real emotions in the circumstance that requires it which in turn is exhausting and usually our tank is empty for any other relationship.
Resilience is formed in the context of right relationships. Cultivating these relationships requires that we move beyond the illusion of intimacy and taking the time, according to Dr. Packiam to seek out a constellation of lives that can help us navigate the storms of ministerial life. He continues by stating that We need sages to advise us, leaders to direct us or hold us accountable, peers to remind us that we aren’t alone, healers to dress our wounds and companions who carry us when we can’t carry on.
So that we are not tempted to think that resilient leadership is easy or there are quick fixes allow me to close with the research of Professor Jeffery Hall at the University of Kansas. In a ground-breaking study Dr. Hall wrote in the The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018 the following: it takes “between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80–100 hours to transition to becoming a friend and more than 200 hours together to become good friends.” According to Hall’s study, the hours spent at work together don’t count as much. However, we need lasting and meaningful relationships if we are going to last in the ministry and remain fully human. Cultivating these relationships will take time! It is worth taking the time!
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Leadershift by John Maxwell
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As the church emerges from the Fog of Covid, what exactly are we looking at? Barna Research recently released the state of your church webcast in which 5 crucial questions were asked about the state of the North American church.[1]
What is the state of your church?
How thriving is it? Think of “thriving” as the organizational dynamics of the church. How well is that going?
How are people doing in your church? Are they flourishing or not?
How are you doing? What’s the state of your heart?
And, perhaps as crucial, how do you know? What means do you employ to measure what matters in ministry?
Perhaps for the very first time in modern church history, churches are being faced with the challenge to figure out their unique DNA as a church. This means that using someone’s model will no longer sustain my church for the longer arch of time. Simply because they succeeded does not equal, I will succeed post covid. Borrowing from Frederick Buechner’s Venn diagram for determining personal calling and vocation, today’s churches need to merge their great, driving passion (the Great Commission) with the world’s great need (finding deep satisfaction and rest for our souls). In this intersection, you’ll be able to see more clearly what your calling is as a church. When you’re clear on your calling as a church, you can start to define and refine the data you’ll look for as indicators that people’s lives are being transformed.[2]
So, what is required for church leaders to renew their church in such complex and quite troubling days? Barna Research Group suggest 5 shifts in our thinking should occur to truly arrive at an accurate understanding of the state of each church. There are no cookie-cutter short cuts any longer. Each church must stand on their own merits. Consider these 5 shifts.[3]
[1] David Kinnaman. A Vision For A Renewed Church. The State of Your Church Report. copy-rite 2022.
[2] Fredrick Buechner. Your Deep Gladness & The World’s Deep Hunger. http://www.calledthejourney.com/blog/2014/12/17/frederick-buechner-on-calling ACCESSED 14 March 2022.
[3] The State of Your Church Report copy-rite 2022.
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Dr. Packiam writes about the late Rabbi Jonathon Sacks who went in for a Medical Check-up after being named Chief Rabbi in the British Commonwealth. Part of the exam involved a treadmill. As the doctor kept increasing the pace Sack’s was curious about the end goal. He asked his doctor “What are we testing? How fast I can go or how long?” The doctor responded with “Neither”
The doctor would inform his curious patient that he was being evaluated to see how quickly his pulse would return to normal after coming off the treadmill. This is one of the key markers of health: the rate of recovery. The goal of a stress test is to see how someone deals with it.
Sometimes leadership can feel like more than a human can humanly bear. Rabbi Sacks suggested to review the lives of what we might call Biblical Giants, Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah, and Jonah. These all prayed that God take their life rather than to continue their task.
If you are struggling with mental and emotional health, understand it is OK to step away from ministry to heal. When you cannot bounce back or carry on understand this is not a flaw of Christian character. The wound is perhaps deeper than you realized.
If I am speaking to you, please seek a counselor. If married take time away in a guided retreat. Ask for a sabbatical. Understand it is not your Christian duty to soldier-on; it is your Christ-like calling to be whole.
There is a life beyond “the ministry.” There is a world beyond the church. There is a “YOU” beyond your vocation. This is called differentiation. This is the ability to know the difference between you or your church or non-profit enterprise. Differentiation is usually applied to a relationship between a couple. If one side is swallowed up other or the two have become inextricably tangled and lost in each other, this is called enmeshment. This leads to a detachment in which one refuses to be affected or moved by another. Differentiation is being close to another person while remaining yourself.
A healthy differentiation allows us to love our churches, to care for our people, to find joy in exercising our gifts for the glory of God and the good of others and to know that the ministry is not our identity. We are not the churches we lead or the sermons we preach. We are beloved children of God.
Inconsistent intimacy takes a toll. It requires what sociologist Arlie Hochschild referred to as “surface acting”—where we change the emotion that we display—or, more often, “deep acting”—where we summon up the actual feelings from within. Work in service industries, like being a flight attendant (whom Hochschild studied) or waiting tables or dealing with customers, requires surface acting. But empathy work, like counseling or ministry, requires deep acting. We must meet people where they are emotionally. By the time we’re done for the day, we may not have much left for other relationships.
A second challenge for pastors is the time it takes to cultivate relationships. Friendships are usually formed in leisure hours. In two groundbreaking studies from the University of Kansas published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018, communication studies professor Jeffrey Hall found that it takes “between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80–100 hours to transition being a friend and more than 200 hours together to become good friends.” According to Hall’s study, the hours spent at work together don’t count as much. There’s no getting around it, however. We need meaningful friendships if we’re going to last in ministry and if we’re going to stay fully human, and cultivating those friendships takes time.[1]
In 2 Corinthians 7 of the Bible, Paul the Apostle seems to allude to an amalgamation of people that supported and cared for him. This would suggest that you and I need a constellation of lives to help us navigate life’s storms and ministry responsibilities. We need a collection of sages to advise us, leaders to direct us and hold us accountable, peers to remind us that are not alone, healers to dress our wounds, and companions to carry us when we are not able to carry on. Resilience is reinforced by right relationships. Ministry is illusionary in terms of deep relationships. Take the time to cultivate your constellation of people that will help you navigate life and ministry.
[1] John Packiam. Start By Cultivating Resilient Leaders. The State of The Church Research by Barna.org. ACCESSED 8 March 2022.
LINKS
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE
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FREE GIFT – “Servant Leadership Questions” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page
Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service
Leadershift by John Maxwell
Q&A – Contact me at ShepherdsAdvantage@gmail.com
LINKS
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE
FREE GIFT – “Servant Leadership Questions” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page
Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service
Leadershift by John Maxwell
Q&A – Contact me at ShepherdsAdvantage@gmail.com
LINKS
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE
FREE GIFT – “Servant Leadership Questions” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page
Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service
Leadershift by John Maxwell
Q&A – Contact me at ShepherdsAdvantage@gmail.com
LINKS
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on iTunes – SUBSCRIBE
Shepherds Advantage Leadership Podcast is now on Stitcher – SUBSCRIBE
FREE GIFT – “Servant Leadership Questions” – Click on the icon at the bottom of the page
Executive Coaching Service– Private message me for details on this customizable service
Leadershift by John Maxwell
Q&A – Contact me at ShepherdsAdvantage@gmail.com